(no title)

30 lessons in 30 years

I turned 30 last week and I am so excited for this decade. Here are 30 lessons I learned in 30 years.

I turned 30 last week! Since being a teenager, I’ve had an infatuation with being 30 after watching the film 13 Going On 30. It follows the story of Jenna, a 13-year-old girl who wanted nothing but to be 30 after seeing a magazine article titled “30, flirty and fabulous” and she woke up as a 30-year-old.

And here I am, 30. Thirty, flirty and fabulous. Haha. I’m really excited and grateful to finally be at this age and I feel a lot of energetic upgrades already. It almost feels like everything took place to heal old beliefs, reprogram my mind and learn some serious lessons the hard way so others don’t have to.

Here are just 30 of the things I’ve learned:

Everything is a reflection of your inner state. When someone acts a certain way, it’s a perfect opportunity for you to slow down and tune into your heart centre to see what it’s telling you.
Feel your thoughts. Always.
The path of spiritual enlightenment comes with giving yourself up to God. Doing things for God is the ultimate way of “letting go” to receive.
Surrender, surrender, surrender. Take it all to Al-Noor (the light).
Wake up for tahajjud (the last third of the night) to pray and meditate.
Straight and frizzy is not an actual hair type! You have waves or curls that you don’t know about and don’t know how to take care of.
If you start by wanting to “manifest” something, that’s an invitation to clear your subconscious mind.
Visit your inner child frequently, daily if you can.
Trust the process while feeling your feelings.
Starting a boundary with “I feel” and describing your feelings in simple words is the best way to solve issues with others.
Forgive, forgive, forgive. Forgive from your heart. If you want people to show up differently, forgive them with your heart. If you want clarity on a situation, forgive with your heart and be grateful. Gratitude and forgiveness don’t take from the gravity of the situation and don’t take your rights away.
Taking responsibility does not mean it’s your fault.
Approach scenarios and people with curiosity, not assumption. This is how you become an alchemist.
It’s okay to let things come to an end. Say goodbye gracefully.
It is possible to send healing energy to a situation that isn’t in your control or has nothing to do with you. Pray about it and speak with gratitude.
Money is energy. When you spend it wisely and give generously, it will want to run back to you. This is why charity doesn’t decrease wealth.
It’s not a bad thing to admit to being wrong. It’s healthy.
Men aren’t trash.
When someone comes with “love and light”, make sure that it’s projecting the energy of Al-Wadud (name of Allah: the most loving) and Al-Noor (name of Allah: the light) and if they aren’t, chant those names in your heart to project them and disarm the ego that comes with those powerful words.
Regulating your nervous system is more important than regulating your emotions. Feel your emotions and calm your nervous system to regulate your reaction to having them.
Cleaning your energy field/aura is just as important as brushing your teeth.
Don’t chase high vibrations, chase God. Put God in the centre and pray for your life energy to reflect this and watch how you will become the vessel that raises the vibration in low-vibration places. It’s important to remember that this isn’t you doing it, it’s God.
People will forget what you know, but they’ll never forget how they made you feel.
Ho’ponopono.
Keep your space clean at all times.
Carry prayer beads with you to chant, even if it’s silent.
Not everyone whom you resonate with is your friend. If they aren’t being nice to you, speak your truth and if they let go of you for it, they weren’t your real friend.
Not everyone has narcissistic personality disorder. Don’t dissect people and don’t hunt for red flags. Take things one step at a time and when they do hurt you, understand how you feel and approach them about it by starting by talking about how you feel as opposed to what they did. You’d be surprised how often people’s actions are unintentional.
It’s okay to watch trash TV!!!!!!!! BINGE ALL YOU WANT! This need to be intellectual all the time is draining you and it comes from a space of people-pleasing.
Treat life as a game.

I love you all xx

Is International Women’s Day scamming women?

My loves,

I pray you’re all well. I loved International Women’s Day from the moment I heard of it. A day to honour women, break boundaries and preach that we can do what any man can do, and sometimes do it better? Yes please, or “inject itttt”, as the kids of today would say.

Today, I woke up feeling a bit uneasy about it. I let my body wake up naturally instead of an alarm because I felt that I needed more rest than usual and I went on my laptop to catch up on the news, to see articles “celebrating women”. I was bombarded with posters of Rosie the Riveter, a media icon from WW2 associated with women who worked in factories and shipyards when the men were off to fight.

Usually, the only issue I would have had with this image is that it is a very Eurocentric portrayal of WW2 and those who fought (let’s not forget that over one million Indians fought under the British), but it made me realise more than ever that the way we celebrate IWD is by celebrating masculinised notions of what it means to be powerful and women who adhere.

For women to get their rights, we had to fight for them. We had to step into this masculine energy to battle for our feminine expression, however, we now feel that we need to stay in this masculine energy to sustain our rights because we don’t feel safe to rest in our feminine energy.

For me, I can’t even imagine a time in which I wouldn’t be able to vote because I am a woman, but there was once a time in which women were told they can’t vote because their brains are too small to comprehend politics.

Women were only allowed to drive in Saudi Arabia in 2017 but in 2013 when women were campaigning to drive, Sheikh Saleh al-Luhaidan — one of Saudi Arabia’s most prestigious scholars — hit back and said women shouldn’t drive because they will end up hitting their ovaries as their pelvis pushes upwards. Then, when it was finally legalised, Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman decided to lock up the women who were at the forefront of the driving campaign as a lesson to activists that whether policy changes or not has nothing to do with their activism and a warning to future campaigners.

This is why the fight for women’s rights is important. We shouldn’t be walked all over and we need days like IWD to acknowledge these accomplishments and barriers that must be pushed through. But this isn’t all that womanhood is and most certainly doesn’t reflect the waves of the majestic sea of femininity.

It also calls for performative feminism, such as London’s Met Police using today to urge women to join the police force to “be the change they want to see” without addressing systemic abuse, coverups and a culture that enabled the murder of Sarah Everard at the hands of an on-duty cop. How shamelessly hypocritical.

There is nothing wrong with women being in their masculine energy — Alpha women are very admirable in the way they get things done, head first. In my earlier-mid 20s, I definitely was one. I felt accomplished and powerful, but I wasn’t happy. What made my dynamic especially toxic was that I didn’t think I had a choice, and this is what I fear many women believe at this point.

Alpha women think they have the “whole package” and don’t realise their distance from their feminine energy is stopping them from having fulfilling lives. It’s fine if they recognise this and have made a choice to find someone who will balance their energy, but most women don’t realise what they’re doing and can’t tweak because they feel way too unsafe to lean back and surrender due to unhealed trauma that they don’t know they have.

“We need to be alphas, we need to be powerhouses, we need to prove ourselves, we need to ignore period pains and fight on as if we’re not feeling sick, we need to show every man in the world that what they can do, we can do better and we need to take out our wallets and pay to prove to the man on the other side of the table that we can provide for ourselves.” Fam, no. Lol.

Do men wear makeup for us? Do they use period simulators once a month in solidarity? Do they stop providing to let you feed your ego? Well, some of them want us to be the main provider, but we’re staying far away from them.

When we stay in this fight zone and correlate our womanhood with fighting and breaking barriers, we don’t rest. This seeps into every fibre of our lives and we just keep fighting out of fear. When we’re scared, we’re easy to control.

Embodying masculine energy makes us feel drained, unbalanced and worthless. Our emotions become more intense and volatile because we’re so used to suppressing them to avoid looking “eratic” and we find ourselves being lonely when we’re alone because we don’t know who we are, let alone have the ability to enjoy our own company. If you can’t be alone and love yourself, how will you allow love to enter your life? This is the source of a lot of unhealthy, codependent relationships and unhealed cycles of toxicity.

The ‘rise’ of the Divine Feminine

More than ever, we’re seeing discussions online on the Divine Feminine, the ability to lean back and let the masculine lead, etc etc. I subscribe to a lot of it and have done so more as I released a lot of the radical feminist views that I used to carry as a badge of honour and a show of my femininity.

This was dangerous because I didn’t know any other way to express my femininity or distinguish myself from my male counterparts other than my politics. Femininity and feminism were unquestionably synonymous.

In some ways, yes because there are contradicting parallels that lead to the same destination. Feminism says women are just as strong as men, whereas feminine energy says the aura of a woman is so powerful that she can attract while being in a rested state without working the way a man does. Feminism says women and men are equal, whereas feminine energy says women and men complement each other using different channels to serve the Divine. Feminism says women need to be physically safe to move freely, feminine energy says women need to feel safe to express themselves freely.

Both are important, but problems arise when we champion one without question and ignore the other and dismiss it as “old school” and “internally misogynistic”.

When we try to marry both feminist principles and a divine feminine lifestyle without holding ourselves to account and having a sense of responsibility, we risk an air of entitlement. We feel entitled to receive, but we scorn at the thought of allowing a trusted man to lead. We feel entitled to express our feelings, but we don’t use our sensitivity to hold space for others with compassion and without judgement because of the “see a therapist/Google is free” culture. We feel entitled to be provided for, but feel like it is an attack on our rights when we’re asked to create a comfortable home for the provider to relax. We feel entitled to be cherished because it’s our love language but feel disempowered at the thought of respecting a man because it’s his love language.

These dynamics are relational and personal and they can play out differently based on situations and the characteristics of the couple themselves. I don’t want to elaborate too much on this, but these are the mindset paradoxes that we risk falling into if we aren’t careful as the two contrasting expressions of femininity are being discussed, with importance, at the same time.

My full-time alpha woman days are thankfully over and it came due to a huge burnout and forcing myself to rest during the lockdown period when my room wasn’t just a sleeping and changing station. I was forced to nurture my space because I had nowhere else to go and now I realise how vital it is for my mental health. It is no coincidence that my healing journey rose to unimaginable heights when I accepted and embraced my femininity.

Now, whenever someone tells me they like “strong independent women”, I feel sad and annoyed because it implies that women should just take care of themselves. I was sold a lie when I was younger and life experience kicked my ego down and taught me some beautiful new lessons that I, without shame, embody and live by. I don’t care if what I have to say is unpopular, I write to express myself as I learn and grow and document the way I change my mind, not to be liked.

What’s wrong with wanting to be taken care of? Especially if you know you are more than capable of rolling your sleeves up when times get rough.

We deserve rights and recognition that go beyond our ability to adhere to masculine notions of power and productivity. Above all, we reserve the right to find our own balance by living our journey in the most authentic way possible. If this isn’t part of IWD celebrations, then we’re not really celebrating women, we’re celebrating the most profitable notion of womanhood.

Love and light,

Diana xox

Can’t surrender as a feminine woman? Here’s why…

My loves,

I write this with so much love and compassion in my heart. I feel like this post will be controversial in many ways, but a lot of it needs to be said. From my own personal experience and readings and watching the way society is going, we are lost.

Being lost isn’t a bad thing, though. This part of the journey shows us the power of intention. We either make an intention to find answers, in which we find ourselves through the deepest and most magical secrets of life, or we choose to wander with no aim and stay in purgatory.

I feel like there’s a huge misunderstanding of what it means to be feminine. We have the “rise of the divine feminine” on social media while feminist discourse from a monolithic white and middle-class interpretation takes heed. Too often, we see young people — and grown adults — get into debates on women “surrendering” and “submitting” to men and what it means. These debates balance other, more dominant, discussions on gender roles sift through championing gender neutrality under the pretext of all humans being the same.

Along with the discussion is a layer of people saying it excludes LGBTQ+ community. Do they fit in the masculine-feminine discussion? My opinion is every human has a place in this discussion and can apply it in any way they wish, but if they want to stay out of it or if they don’t believe in masculine and feminine energy, this is a belief that must be respected and is not up for debate. For the purpose of simplicity, I will use heterosexual examples in this post, but take the principles as they resonate with you.

The same way there is darkness and light and throughout the day we experience life based on the spectrum in which we see darkness or light, every human sits on the spectrum of masculine and feminine and expresses their identity based on where they are in their lives. This is not to say that you change your sex or gender identity, but it means you harness masculine and feminine energy at different points of your life or during the day.

To put it more simply, I, as a feminine woman, go a lot deeper in my masculine energy when I’m at work to help me focus and get a job done, but the moment I get to switch off, I quickly go back to a predominantly feminine state. When I don’t feel safe with someone, I stop trusting that and I will begin to operate from a more masculine space to help me fend for myself. After all, there is a drop of yin inside the yang and a drop of yang inside the yin.

When we look at traditional archetypes of masculinity and femininity, the feminine carries an energy of surrender to the masculine. In relationships, women who don’t surrender to men are often seen as being in their masculine energy. The problem with this is that we are viewing relationships as notions to rationalise instead of windows of self-discovery.

Every single religious and spiritual path focus on surrendering to the Divine, regardless of gender. Relating this to my path, the word Islam comes from two root words in Arabic: استسلام, (pronounced as istislam and means surrender) and سلام (pronounced as salam and means peace).

We have one God who has 99 names and they are divided into the jalal (masculine/majestic) and jamal (feminine/beautiful). When you bring those two qualities, you get the kamal, which is Arabic for complete.

While surrender is a feminine trait, surrendering to Allah is a quality bestowed upon all Muslims. Therefore, our expression of masculinity and femininity isn’t as binary as these Twitter debates on surrendering to your boyfriend set them out to be.

Surrender through femininity

To surrender means to give up your ego to let the Divine take care of your blessings — after all, they aren’t ours to bestow upon ourselves. Even if we apply the most fundamental views of the Law of Attraction and Law of Assumption, we attract and assume to allow ourselves to receive from God.

Have you tried to manifest and found it hard to let go? That’s because your body doesn’t allow you to do so. Your nervous system is wired in fight or flight and can’t enter its flow state to receive because the fears of the “what ifs” linger for way too long. This directly links to feminine energy because if our nervous system is too wired up to surrender, we’re not going to feel safe — whether it’s surrendering to God’s will or the protection of a man.

For us to enter the state of surrender that allows us to receive our manifestations, and to create harmony in our relationships by giving the masculine the trust and respect their love language naturally yearns for, you need to start with your body. There’s no point in convincing your mind to “let go” if your body quite literally can’t do it.

Having a breathwork routine, visiting your inner child regularly to understand your triggers from the source of your childhood (my reiki master Chetna Halai recommended that I do this every day) and taking salt baths all help to regulate your nervous system. The most important thing to is to understand how your body reacts and why it reacts to situations in the way it does.

We live in a society that places the responsibility on others to not “trigger” us rather than being responsible for understanding and managing our own natural responses to things. Of course, we should be sensitive to the feelings of others, but that doesn’t mean we go into an extreme of refusing to be accountable for our own healing journey.

Feeling anxiety is actually a positive thing if you approach it with curiosity. When you feel yourself spiralling, take a deep breath and ask yourself where in your body you feel this anxiety, or anger, or fear or whatever other emotions. Once you locate it in your body, you’re at an advantage because you’re able to breathe into it directly and then ask more questions about why you’re in the state that you’re in. You have something to focus on rather than this abstract anxiety that you feel in one part of your body which has the potential to take over every cell if you allow it to spiral.

A good book is Moving Beyond Trauma by Ilene Smith, which teaches using somatic experiencing to heal the nervous system from trauma. Dr Joe Dispenza’s Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself looks at neuroplasticity, epigenetics, quantum healing and CBT techniques to drum in new belief systems. The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle was a frustrating read about being in the present moment, but only because it’s true. If you prefer to be eased into relaxing your affairs to the Divine, I’d recommend reading Outrageous Opening by Tosha Silver before reading The Power of Now because it uses real-life examples and it’s easier to read.

When it comes to dealing with others, surrendering is and should only possible with trust. After trusting the Divine, the first person you should trust is yourself. You must be grounded in your boundaries, in knowing what you expect in a relationship and how to communicate it. You must also trust yourself to be able to communicate your feelings and that you know when to exit a relationship when it becomes toxic before it’s too late.

For your own safety, I would recommend working on your self-worth because whether you want to enter your feminine energy or not, without valuing yourself, you’ll end up in dangerous situations with others because you don’t know how to say no. The only thing that’s worse than not being able to say no is not believing you deserve to say no.

When it comes to enforcing your boundaries, the best thing to do is to come from a feeling place. “This made me feel sad/angry/upset” and you follow up with a request for them to not do it again. If they do it again, or if they did something strong, follow up with a consequence. When you talk about how something made you feel, the other person would soften up because you’ll be entering your heart rather than your head.

If you lead with your head, you become like a bull and the other person would want to headbutt you back (fellow Taurus gang say wag1!!!). Speaking from your heart helps to disarm both of you and create a form of vulnerability that is efficient, firm and genuine.

When you trust that you can allow someone to lead you, the dominant energy in your life would be one of receiving. Sure you’ll have to work for things, but you’ll be more receptive to allowing things to naturally come to you. You won’t feel the need to prove your worth because you’ve worked on your self-worth so much that you’ll naturally ooze it. You will automatically build boundaries instead of walls because you’ll be in tune with your intuition which allows you to be vulnerable enough for a healthy relationship, without it being detrimental to you. At any point, walls are detrimental and leave you in a vulnerable position because they stem from insecurity.

Whether you want to surrender or not, if you don’t have these basic skills, people will feel your weakness and unfortunately, horrible people will try to walk all over you when they learn your emotional patterns for the purpose of manipulating you. These are basic ways to protect yourself no matter your role in relationships, or even relationship status itself. Emotional intelligence makes you less vulnerable to manipulation.

The person you’ll allow to lead will naturally want to make you happy and use your heart and desires as a roadmap to your shared destination. As women, we don’t understand why men desire to be respected and trusted so much, but it’s their innate love desire the way being cherished and taken care of is ours. Working with this is a win-win because you can relax and get what you want while making your significant other very happy.

On a more rational level, giving someone you care about the respect that they want doesn’t diminish your self-respect, listening attentively doesn’t diminish your voice and allowing someone to lead doesn’t mean you’re a sheep.

People think surrender is for the weak, but to do it successfully, you need a strong sense of self and the ability to softly set solid boundaries.

You need to be able to say no and you will need to be able to express your feelings, which is such a rare thing to do. We’re so used to rationalising that we feel embarrassed to express the heart out of fear of being squashed and rejected from the most vulnerable place within us.

This shiii ain’t for the weak and it really only should be done by those who know and trust themselves, so start the journey of surrender by surrendering to yourself and God. To surrender is not to be a lost puppy, it’s to be an unassuming lioness who chooses the path of calmly playing the long-game, knowing she can pounce at any moment if need be.

I love you all so much,

Di xox

Social media detox is already changing my life

Hi my loves! Here I am hours into my new social media detox and I have an immense urge to write about it.

I had a really low evening last night and it led me to deactivate my Instagram account, the only social media platform I consider myself addicted to.

As an overview of what happened, I woke up at 8am feeling really groggy, but instead of meditating, leaving my bed and doing some stretches, I went back to sleep and then woke up and scrolled through YouTube shorts and Instagram reels. For someone who aims for such a healthy lifestyle, I find myself fighting my mornings for reasons like this.

Two hours had passed and I was still laughing at harmless videos of cats and babies and learning life hacks that I don’t even remember. I ended up starting my day late, it felt shorter and it was not really doing me justice, despite getting a lot done in the time my laziness compelled me to ration. Come 10pm, I was feeling really crap and began to journal. Instagram came up while I was writing and I promised myself that I’d deactivate the following morning, but my heart just told me to deactivate on the spot. Here I am writing this.

I have Facebook, but I rarely post and I only check it every few days for the purpose of being on one group that I need to be active on. I’ve limited my use of Clubhouse to once a week because I host a room every Thursday with Rumi’s Cave (check out their story and fundraiser here). I deactivated Twitter a while back and returned because I had beef with Uber Eats, but then I deactivated it again. Now that I’ve removed Instagram, I’ve let go of the only platform that I’m addicted to.

I already noticed a huge difference. I woke up feeling drained (I hate mornings lol) so I did dhikr (remembrance of God) while I was half asleep and meditated on gratitude. I forced myself out of bed and started my day. I began cleaning the kitchen before I even started work! I love cleaning, but I can’t stand doing anything in the morning.

My issue is I’ve always hated mornings. As I write this, I realise it’s because I used to associate waking up early with going to school, which I deplored. Instagram was sort of like my cartoon time before heading off to learn and now that I realise this after deactivating Instagram, I think I have a solid base to work with to restructure my mornings.

My ego tried to talk me out of deactivating Instagram. How else will I make content to compliment my blog? The blog that I neglect because I procrastinate nourishing because I’m too addicted to Instagram? How else will I build a business strategy without social media? The strategy that I haven’t worked on because I’m so anxious about starting extra small due to subconscious comparison by being on Instragram? There’s no excuse. My spirit needed out and it sent me a window of a depressive episode to give me a massive kick.

Ergh, even the word Instagram is making me feel anxious.

Now that I’m away from social media, I realise how it was a bit of a culprit in putting me in my masculine energy. I was doing nothing but scrolling, which ultimately, is doing. The absence of doing isn’t the feminine state of being, it’s just empty doings. To be in the state of being, you need to be in a state of rest, surrender and trust — all of which takes immense practice and discipline in a world that does so much to hyper stimulate our nervous systems.

When I really think about it, there’s also an element of greed. I’m taking all of this morning time and keeping it for myself so I don’t give it out in service of the Divine, whether it’s doing extra prayers, meditation, exercise, getting extra ready for work, etc. I feel like having this morning gluttony makes me fight with what I really love and want for myself, which is happiness, peace and success and it’s time to hold myself to account, starting with something as simple as reaching for prayer beads to do dhikr instead of my phone.

Greed is the antithesis of feminine energy because the underlying feeling is being unable to trust and receive. I don’t trust that the time I put in to nourish my mornings will come back to me and energise me tenfolds. A social media addiction is pacifying and reflects the energy of doing, whereas immersing myself in my spiritual practice is active surrender and allowing the spirit to roam and be.

I’m already feeling better and in more alignment. Moving forward, I’m filling two simple intentions into this detox to make it more meaningful and productive.

To fulfil my dream of becoming a morning person, I will do some inner child healing on morning work through EFT, reiki and self-hypnosis and I will set an alarm to wake up at a set time to start my day every morning. I’ll gradually aim to wake up at 6am.
I will actually work on the stuff that I need Instagram for and create a content schedule, business plan, etc.

This is also a sign for us all to honour our low feelings. I sat with feeling upset yesterday and honoured my state with compassion and curiosity and it gifted me with a revelation that is uplifting me into the vibration of abundance and joy.

This is the beauty of life and the wonders of God. Everything is a message. It’s all telling us something, but are we willing to listen? Some days we are, other days we aren’t. Regardless, we got dis. We’ve got it all.

Peace, love and light to you all

Diana xox

I’ve let go of my old self… and having Covid helped

When people ask me to explain reiki to them, I usually tell them that it works by healing your aura, which affects your emotion body and then affects your physical state. It’s kinda weird because I actually saw this play out in catching Covid-19 last week.

The start of 2022 was really interesting and not like other years. Ever since 2018, I’ve been doing yearly vision boards to mark what my year would look like. This year, I felt uninspired by my little tradition and decided not to do it. Instead, I did some releasing by clearing out my whole room, my car and burning a piece of paper of all of the stuff I want to let go of. My reiki master Chetna Halai also did a release and calling in ceremony for the end of 2021 and the start of 2022.

So, yeah it was a very deep start to 2022, which uncoincidentally (we don’t believe in coincidences on this blog) is the year I turn 30.

I’ve had a few of my friends turn 30 before me and there was a lot of panic around the idea of entering this new decade. When I responded with calm, I was told to wait until I’m counting down the final weeks of being in my 20s. Here I am and not only am I calm, but I’m actually excited to turn 30. Really, it seems like a new way to let go.

Without realising I was doing it, 2021 became the year I let go of a lot of things. A crazy amount! I didn’t really set a full intention make it the year of letting go, it just happened by doing lots of energy work and finding myself in situations where I had to say bye to a lot of places, people, habits, thoughts and hobbies.

I will say that I set the intention to call in new things, so maybe I had to take out the old first 😉.

This time last year, I was doing some hypnotherapy sessions with my babe Sotoda Saifi and in one session, she noticed that I’ve been carrying a lot of ego connotations with my Palestinian identity, so she challenged me to do a session to let go of my Palestinian self. I was nervous because does this mean I would be obnoxious and forget my roots or stop being active? Regardless, I trusted her and I still cleared out the generational mess that naturally comes with being from one of the most volatile places in the world. It didn’t make me ashamed of who I was at all, but it cleared out some of the root chakra issues that come up when you or your ancestors have experienced different types of trauma such as war, siege, colonialism, slavery, etc.

Months later, when the massacre on Gaza happened and when my own neighbourhood, Silwan, was (and still is) being under threat of demolition, I didn’t feel distanced because I had let go of what I thought I had to hold on to be Palestinian. I still did everything that I do in my activism and journalism and felt all of the raw feelings that came with such a tragic situation, but I was able to manage the emotional effects of watching all of this unfold in a much more healthy way, which made me of more service.

In other words, my subconscious mind and aura were decolonised.

Then, I just spent lots of time doing other classes, sessions and courses with other modalities just for fun. At that point, it was less about achieving something and more to pass time and feel good. In that way, I let go of the outcome of the purpose behind doing all of this stuff and did it all because it’s fun… most of the time.

Fast-forward to January 2022 and I was having a very busy month, until I caught Covid-19 and had to cancel all of my plans and slow down to recover. Because I got rid of so much stuff around me, but most importantly, because I was already clearing out my subconscious mind, having coronavirus allowed the “letting go” process to continue.

On Tuesday, I spoke to Chetna about having Covid and she told me that it came to clear me out. At that point, the virus in me was at its peak and even though I felt weak, I did feel like I was doing a vibrational clearout. Now that I’m coming towards the end of my time in isolation, I really do feel like so much has energetically shifted and I am finally ready to be the next stage of who I am meant to be.

Treating every cough or sneeze as a physical release of trapped energy really sped things up. When your body releases through coughing, sweating, yawning, crying and other natural functions, you’re naturally releasing energy. This release is magnified in ways we can’t imagine when we note that our body is releasing energy and intending for such functions to be a release.

I look back at my 20s and I realise while I became a full-fledged adult, on an energetic level, my 20s were at times an extension of my teens in that I was purging all that did not resonate with me. I’ve chosen to release all of that now. I’ve chosen to stop identifying with everything that I used to identify with, but that doesn’t mean forgetting who I am.

Think of a certain identity that you may have. It could be ethnic, religious, social, political, etc. You’ve had experiences surrounding them. For example, you may have experienced racism. Letting go of your ethnic identity doesn’t mean no longer being what you are, it means you’re not identifying with the experiences you’ve had and connotations your ego creates.

Everyone jokes about the restrictions many Arab girls live with because parents tend to be more restrictive towards their daughters, whilst babying their sons. Letting go of being Arab doesn’t mean you’re no longer an Arab woman, it just means you’ve let go of limiting beliefs surrounding your personal freedom that has been fed to you by the story of coming from a certain ethnicity. By doing this, you’re becoming an energetic match to the vibration of freedom that you’ve always wanted but thought you could never have. As you keep this up and purge from years of being restricted by unrealistic cultural ideals, your reality will change.

Sometimes it’s not about keeping your vibration high. It’s about letting it sink when it needs to and using it as a chance to release and purge. Don’t hide from these low states, become curious about what they’re trying to tell you. What is your inner child saying to you? The secrets to healing and climbing up the vibrational ladder are actually in these low moments.

Without burning bridges, I’ve energetically tapped out of communities that no longer serve me and hold me back. Everyone is on their path and that’s okay. Not resonating with something doesn’t mean you need to demonise it.

By letting these identities and communities go through viewing them with neutrality and love instead of zapping them with emotional charge, you’ve put yourself in a powerful position because it means they don’t own you anymore. Anger and resentment will come up that will stop you from viewing things through unconditional love. Own that anger and work with it to heal it and rise above it. If you fight your negative patterns and feelings, they’ll fight you back, so just be neutral about an emotion and allow it to pass.

For me, everything is now starting to add up and make sense. Now that I’m looking back at the last few years of my life, I realise that nothing was a coincidence. I was meant to meet who I met, go through what I went through, read what I was meant to read, all of this to take me to this point. When? Just before I turn 30 years old. That doesn’t mean I won’t have more layers to unlock; life is beautiful that way.

I am in awe. My ego tells me I was supposed to achieve so many things I haven’t at this age and so does my community. I remember my dad telling me to hurry up and start my PhD so I don’t have to finish it into my 30s. Here I am without even a proposal and I honestly don’t mind because I realised that the PhD dream wasn’t even mine to begin with. It was just something that came with the reputation I had of being academic.

The most hilarious part of this is that even my old gym where I started my fitness journey closed down. This was the Virgin Active in Cricklewood which was right next to my old school. I remember going there feeling very nervous and intimidated when I first got my membership there as a teen when they had some special offer for us and I just wanted to leave. Minus the times I was working with a trainer or doing a class, that branch of Virgin Active was always the one where I had my worst workouts, even just days before it closed. While I miss the convenience of it, along with the reformer pilates and spin classes, I’m so glad it’s gone because I subconsciously still identified with the earliest memories I had of my fitness journey every time I walked in there.

The bottom line is that nothing can control you if you don’t identify with it. I have a vision for my future and a lot of it goes against all of these “identities” that I had to release. I think about this vision and I am at peace, in a state of joy, having so much fun and not tied down to anything that doesn’t serve me. And because I’ve let go of so much, there isn’t much weight holding me down to stop me from flying.

Here’s to 2022, here’s to turning 30, here’s to letting go and here’s to life. I’m so grateful.

And in the words of the amazing film that is 13 Going on 30, here’s to being thirty, flirty and FABULOUS!

Coffee shops and prophetic sayings on travelling

My loves,

I pray you’re blessed. I’m writing this with a cup of tea and a beautiful qasida in the background after spending a whole day in contemplation, meditation and life. It’s funny, life can be turbulent but the moment you have that warm mug of tea in your hands, you just forget. God’s mercy, eh?

This concept came to me last week. I’ve been waking up to pray tahajjud more than usual and it’s become my almost daily routine, just because I love how it makes me feel. I asked God a question at 4am and as I was about to go to sleep, I had this image of a coffee shop in my head. Simultaneously, the hadith “Be in this world as if you were a stranger or a traveller along a path” (reported by Ibn Umar) came to mind.

(For non-Muslims, a hadith is a saying by the Prophet Mohammed peace be upon him)

I’m no stranger to coffee shops. I love them. I love sitting alone and reading or blogging, I love having random conversations with strangers that take a very deep and spiritual turn (Coffee Plant on Portobello Road is the one for this) and I love the memories I make with friends.

Nothing warms my heart more than sitting with my best friends in a toasty cafe, with an oat milk americano on a winter evening, talking about life’s crazy affairs, whilst simultaneously watching people on the other side of the window passing by in their toasty coats and scarves.

Talk about Gilmore Girls vibes. Thank God for a woman’s ability to multitask, eh?

Back to my mini 4am visualisation. I started to really think about the way coffee shops are really the unsung heroes of society in the way they allow us to sit back and be present. Every single person who walks through that cafe would have been coming from somewhere and will be leaving to another place when they’re done. But for the moment they’re there, they’re just strangers having a nutritional, emotional and spiritual pick-me-up with a hot drink in their hands, flavour on their tastebuds and a whiff of humidity coming from the evaporation from their mug.

When I first came across the aforementioned hadith as a child, I was told it was a warning to me that this world doesn’t belong to me and I have no right to enjoy it. I was told that we must travel through this world with a hardened heart, because the enjoyments of life are only for those who disbelieve. It’s their world to enjoy and ours to suffer, as we enjoy paradise whilst they endure hellfire.

My heart knew that this wasn’t Islam and not the example of our beloved Prophet Mohammed, but I never felt into the hadith to really figure out what it means to me.

The dawn of my prayer, I realised the value of being a believer that is travelling. Our hearts are open to God and His creation, but from our ego’s perception, we detach. We travel through this world instead of taking ownership of it because our spiritual purpose is much higher than what is material. Just as my innocent younger self suspected, this Hadith is merciful advice to Muslims and non-Muslims alike. I took a sigh of relief as the truth came to me.

In a way, coffee shops are a modern depiction of travelling and pausing to find inner peace. Picture walking in a desert and seeing someone building a fire after walking a parallel path to them. They start off as a dot on the other side of the desert and they become bigger and bigger as your paths narrow to meet. You see what they’re doing and you help them, speak to them, and absorb the light and warmth they created as they share a drink with you. As you get up, you may find that your paths may continue together, or maybe not. Or maybe they do for a while until they get wider and you walk further away from each other until you become dots in each other’s sight again.

To me, coffee shops serve the same purpose as those fires. We gather somewhere warm to take a break from life and we allow ourselves to embrace the present. Everyone’s welcome, everyone’s taking their own space and everyone will leave to go back to travelling this sweet, crazy, raw dunya (world).

Weirdly enough, I got this image when I asked God for help because I was starting to fear losing something in my life. I found myself growing into a reality that was peaceful to me, especially after I gave up something for His sake. With this, came something beautiful, but I wasn’t sure if it was in my head or just a lotus waiting to sprout. I still don’t know. Sometimes I’m okay with not knowing, other times I’m not.

At one point, my heart became attached and it was starting to make me nervous. I hate uncertainty. I just wanted direct instruction and by praying, I wanted a definitive answer from the Divine. I wanted God to give me an answer in the way a fortune teller would. Sometimes this happens but now is not the time. It’s annoying, but look at what came out of it instead. Alhamdulillah.

I’m still confused and it’s making me feel sad. What I did get, however, was something better. A gentle nudge to the Islam I knew in my heart existed inside advice to relax, wrap my arms around the present and surrender to the unknown.

Allah told me to travel through this and to not worry about this potential loss because he is ar-Razaq (the provider). He told me to treat the moment as if it’s a chill out session in a café and to use my faith as a clutch that I cuddle between my palms the way I cuddle my oat milk americano as I laugh with my girls.

What’s meant to be will always come to be. Waiting can be uncomfortable and can invoke feelings of melancholy, but we’re passing by in this beautiful journey that is life.

Bismillah.

Life is a mirror, but there are seven of them: The Seven Essene Mirrors

My loves,

Today, I want to talk to you about something from mystical Judaism that blew my mind. The Essenes are a mystical sect who flourished between 2nd century BC to 1st century AD. It is said that they resided in Khirbet Qumran, which is south of Jericho in Palestine.

Their lifestyle hailed spirituality and God consciousness and they believed in communalism as a way of life. They (like Muslims) believe the soul is eternal and death is just a channel to the higher self.

They were a very tight-knit community and forbade marrying those outside of their sect. Those who wanted to be an Essene had to enter a three-year conversion introductory period.

They had many teachings, but one of them that blew my mind is the concept of the Seven Essene Mirrors.

When I started my spiritual journey, I remember reading that life is merely a reflection of who you are. Being low on consciousness and high on anxiety, I couldn’t rationally fathom it, nor could I quieten my mind enough to realise how everything truly is a reflection of the self.

As I expanded my awareness, I saw myself in others and I saw oneness in individual acts and circumstances. If there are infinite ways to look at a circumstance or a person and if no two people interpret a situation in the exact same way, that means much of our interpretations come from within.

The Seven Essene Mirrors teach just this, but with seven different levels. My mind immediately went to the seven main chakras, the seven levels of heaven and seven gates of hell in Islam, having to circulate the Ka’abah seven times, throwing seven stones at the devil, etc etc. My mind is running away from typing right now as it starts to lose control of what is coming out of my fingertips, but I think we should just sit and appreciate the significance of the number seven and all of the mysteries that come with it.

If we look at the seven mirrors, we see that each of them have their own guide to see how something may be a reflection of what is happening in your subconscious mind. You use these to unlock your thought patterns to let them go and achieve God consciousness (taqwa) and ego death (fana). In other words, the deeper you know your ego self, the faster you will be able to peel its layers to discover the true higher self that has unconditional connection to the Divine.

Even if you aren’t a believer, you can still benefit by coming to your higher self and releasing the limiting beliefs that hold you down. The less weighed down you are with attachment, the more you ascend.

Use these as a guide to figure yourself out when you have questions, or when you want to figure out the clutter of your mind.

The first mirror reflects what you are at the present moment

If you’re finding it difficult to gage who you are at a specific moment, look around you. How do things feel right now, at this very moment? You can be in the same situation twice, but notice different things based on your present mood. Are you more likely to notice the birds flying together, or their droppings on the floor?

The second mirror reflects what you judge

There’s an old saying of when you point one finger, three fingers point back at you. When you find yourself judging someone or something, there is something you haven’t forgiven within yourself or your past experiences. For example, if you’re judging someone for going out too much, you’re resenting a feeling of restriction either within or around you.

In order to manifest better for yourself, release the judgement by releasing the resistance.

The third mirror reflects what was taken away from you

When we see a quality in another person that we want for ourselves, that means we lost it. It could be a sense of femininity, masculinity, joy, confidence, self love, abundance, etc. At our essence, we are whole, but as we go through life, we lose our sense of complete self because of traumas that created limiting beliefs.

When you admire or envy something within someone, that means you need to go on a journey to find it within yourself. We need to enter a space of neutrality and release the limiting beliefs that stop you from remembering that you are one with your desire. The Qur’an does say that we were created from a single being after all (39:6).

The fourth mirror reflects patterns of a lost love

You know that feeling when you’re in a new situation and you keep comparing it to the old? Whether you’re comparing every new person you meet to your ex, or that feeling when you start a new job and you’re trying to draw parallels to your new colleagues and old ones? This is it!

When we look at ourselves through this mirror, we’re able to see our patterns of addiction. This gives us great spiritual power because recognising such compulsions give us an instant trigger into the shadow self when we foster a sense of curiosity about our patterns. When did this pattern start? Why do we feel the need to do what we need to do? Which relationship do we need to make peace with?

Keep in mind that when it comes to relationships, you can get closure without contact through meditation, understanding the deeper meanings and lessons, therapy, journaling, reframing, prayer and cord cutting. Please don’t text your exes or put yourself in a dangerous position with anyone else to clean up your fourth essene mirror!

The fifth mirror reflects your relationship with your parents

Our parents are our first window to the world and are the vessel of our soul’s incarnation to the earthly realm. This is the first relationship we have. As we grow, we find ourselves seeing the world through their eyes. This is why generational healing is so important, because much of the traumas they have are passed down to us.

This can range from our beliefs on money, God, our self identity and self worth, the environment and even politics. If we look deeply and access our subconscious mind, we can even see how our relationship with our parents manifests into relationships we have with others as adults.

How did you feel when you interacted with your parents as a child? Get to know the good and the bad aspects and this will give you a very deep an insight. Just as we’re human, so are our parents. We all view things from very limited scopes, even if we’re spiritual.

Then, you can practice some inner child healing and reparenting and rise above what may be limiting you.

The sixth mirror reflects your dark night of the soul moments

Our darkest moments, our most traumatic experiences, our struggles with mental health and the cloud over our head. When do we view the world through the sadness that lives within us?

Here, we’re talking about trauma. By definition, trauma is an experience that causes shock to the system. This manifests in physical, emotional and spiritual pain and leaves our fight or flight mechanism on. When we become aware of how we see the world through our traumatic experiences, we’re able to use discernment and question if things are the way they are because they truly are this way, or if it’s our trauma that’s talking.

When we become aware of how our trauma affects our perception, we unlock a new level of power — if we’re willing to overcome. Go easy on yourself because healing is nowhere near linear and we can get triggered at random moments. When this happens, we just need to ask ourselves what this moment is trying to teach us.

The seventh mirror reflects our ultimate self perception

So, this mirror is different to the first mirror because the first one talks about our state of being at any particular moment. You could be feeling happy and see roses and butterflies one moment, and then see fire in a few hours if something changes your mood.

Despite our shifting moods, we have a basal vibration, which is what this mirror talks about. Rather than asking what your mood is, you ask how you view yourself in the ever changing circumstances around you.

Using money as an example, a mood is feeling incredibly abundant after a payment. This can shift based on your current financial circumstances. Your self perception, however, is your ultimate relationship with money. Do you believe money flows through into your bank account easily? Or do you believe you’re a poor person?

The latter two are part of your self perception because they come from subconscious beliefs that you identify with.

This mirror is where we do the most exploration when we’re trying to manifest using the Law of Attraction. We can script, visualise, etc about being abundant, but if we don’t try to work on this mirror and understand the deep imprints of our subconscious mind, we won’t be able to rewrite and manifest.

I love this philosophy because it really breaks down how life can be a mirror to you. During your healing journey, you can use these mirrors as a reference point. What I like to do is write one aspect of my life down and pick a mirror that I feel relates the most. Then, I just speed write everything that comes into my mind, without even thinking about what I’m writing. When you’re writing very fast, you access your subconscious mind. Then I move to the next mirror.

Each mirror gets deeper, so if you want to do it with all of the mirrors, do it in the order that was written by the Khirbet Qumran.

I love you all so much,

Di xox

Is it too much to ask for a good man? On subconscious patterns and healing trauma

Disclaimer: I use the Qur’an as an example because rather than telling Muslims how spirituality can be compatible with Islam, I like to show by using what is inherently embedded in our system of faith due to perceived controversies surrounding spirituality and Islam. These teachings are universal and can be applied to all or no faith systems.

Hi my lovelies!

I’ve had many conversations this Mercury retrograde and a lot of them have revolved around pressure, standards and whether it’s too much to not settle for anything less than what we want/desire/deserve. So many people are going from within and revisiting their standards, but it’s coming at a time of heightened anxiety and inner child triggers.

What I’m seeing from the majority of these conversations is that people are allowing trauma to dictate what is and isn’t possible. In a world of infinite realities, it truly is our subconscious mind that dictates our life. A particular feeling or vibration we may be stuck on actually comes from an unhealed part of our inner child.

This explains why you’re stuck in the same relationship pattern even after you change your circumstances or people in your life. There is unhealed trauma that keeps manifesting in different facets of your being and the only way to stop this to yield different results is to change your habits.

In terms of romantic relationships, one of the ways we look at this is through the ratio of masculine and feminine energy that is playing out within us. This constantly changes but seeing where we are can give us a more defined view of where our traumas lie.

A woman who describes herself as feminine that desires an alpha man may have some deep-seated trust issues from childhood which stops her from trusting and allowing the masculine to show up in his service. She may think that men are useless and not to be trusted, so weak men pop into her reality.

The wounded feminine will attract a wounded masculine, which creates an unequal polarity and dwindled attraction. This explains the “ick”: an incomplete energetic polarity that kills attraction.

Does this mean we manifest or deserve abusers? Absolutely no, but not understanding our karmic footprint and attachment style makes us realise how we may be vulnerable to letting in leeches, vampires and abusers. Understanding red flags in others is one thing, but understanding where we’re vulnerable to overlooking them is another. When we do this work, we create a space for inner child healing, deep spiritual growth and a transformed life.

Sometimes it isn’t about what happened to us to create our attachment style, it’s what happened around us. This is why we tend to replicate patterns of the relationship of our parents and/or closest guardians. We grow up thinking that what is around us is normal. If your dad was controlling, you’d subconsciously manifest controlling men because it’s what is normal to you, even if you consciously dislike controlling men.

The key is to free yourself from the normal that was imposed on you, through the way you were treated and the energy of others that your subconscious mind absorbed as a child. This is why I’m so passionate about reiki, because it can really help to supplement the work you’re doing by moving and releasing trapped energy that create traumatic feedback loops. As the energy moves, the resistance to doing the work weakens.

Read my post: ‘How to let go of attachment patterns and reclaim your life’ to learn more about inner child healing

If we take quantum theory into consideration, possibilities are endless. When we look at qadr/predestination, we see that even that can be changed. In Islam, we are told that qadr can be changed through prayer. “Kun fa yakun”, be and so it is, it says in the Qur’an.

We’re told that prayer is the weapon of the believer, but what does that really mean? When we think of prayer, we think of just connecting to and asking God for help. This is true, but it entails leaving the material world and going from within to the very source of existence to change things. This means we need to foster deep spiritual connection to see a change in our circumstances.

It’s why Allah doesn’t change our condition until we change ourselves (Qur’an). Yes, there is an element of sin and deeds, but another overlooked element is to do with our subconscious mind and how our underlying beliefs shape our reality.

So as we heal and become open to trusting and receiving, our reality changes because we’re opening ourselves up to freedom and happiness. What happens within controls the outside because our subconscious mind always looks for confirmation.

This is why healing can take time and is a lifelong journey. For the first eight years of our lives, we were operating on theta brain waves and some children operate from their theta brain waves up to 13 years old. This means our subconscious is actively absorbing, which is why our patterns tend to replicate the ones we’ve had since childhood until we decide to do deep intentional healing.

This is why without healing, what is healthy is either scary or boring, because it’s not something we’re used to. Our brain seeks to replicate what we know, which is why toxic situations can seem like “home”. To the brain, it’s safer because it’s familiar. As we release what is familiar, we’re able to rise above the toxic patterns that we find ourselves entering over and over again.

When we release our trauma, we become receptive to a dimension we don’t know of and then start to yield different results. We have access to blessings that we kept blocking because of our beliefs, programming, attachment to people, places and things; and refusal to accept better.

When we find peace, foster self love and close our energy field, we begin to say no and do so from a space of pure self love, because once we finally feel that love from within, we’d do anything to protect that peace in our heart space.

We then realise that when we expect men to be providers and protectors, we’re not asking for too much. We’re just entering relationships on autopilot, crossing the boundaries we didn’t even know we have and then asking whoever is in our life to be someone they are not. If we accepted a tie with a toxic person and were attracted to them from an unhealed space, how can we ever expect a healthy outcome?

Say no to toxic patterns, say no to stagnation, say no to unhealthy relationships and say no to having to fix someone to “grind and heal together”. Say yes to boundaries, yes to standards, yes to calling yourself out and yes to healing. Things will naturally fall into place because you’re releasing the conditions that created these unhealthy patterns in the first place.

Be unashamed of your standards and expectations. The only ones who will shame you are the ones who can’t meet you on your pedestal so they try to knock you off yours for a chance. Think of the times you said yes to something you weren’t comfortable doing. You ended up paying a price for it in the long run. So why set yourself up for paying for a price that you could avoid by saying no and staying true to yourself?

Discernment is key to answering this question, which is something we can only grasp when we’re connected, grounded and setting on to our lifelong healing journey.

I love you all.

Instagram: @flowerknafeh
Twitter: @superknafeh
Learn more about my distance reiki healing sessions via Zoom

Here’s why spirituality is activism

Hello my lovelies!

Join me in welcoming a world where Palestine will be free. Take a deep breath and feel the peace of achieving freedom and justice for all and feel gratitude that just as how systems of oppression are all interconnected, so are liberation movements; as we work for the freedom of one, we’re working for the freedom of all.

Before dedicating the last few years to my spiritual journey after a very sudden awakening, I was committed to political activism. I knew that there was more to the world, but I saw it as something that is outside of my personal scope. Then as I became spiritual and immersed myself in seeking knowledge of the divine, it became separate to my passion for freedom and justice and all — almost like a break from the emotionally charged space of activism.

Until I realised there is no separation.

The material world has a lot to do with unity — for example, trying to be an ethical consume. However, in the spiritual world, there is a plane of activism that we can tap into through our own connection to ourselves and the Divine. You can even embrace the two as one: what earthly hobbies feed your soul? How can you use your talents to serve?

Don’t underestimate your gifts and passions as vehicles for change. When you create, you balance your energy centres, bookmarking your energy on your product. This is why art, poetry, music, etc are so impactful in activism. Creating with love transfers love to others, which collectively energises the cause.

Sure, it’s not all roses. There will be tears, anxiety and a loss of inspiration. You’re human and dealing with some very heavy work. But when you do find that creative force within you, know you’re creating a better world with your world by expressing yourself from your deepest passions and God-given gifts.

A karmic cycle of love

The concept of self-care and spirituality being separate from radical politics is actually a very modern phenomenon. If we look at the theories, philosophies and religions that have inspired New Age thought, we see that humanity is a collective. We are able to manifest our personal desires because we are not separate from them. We just need to tap into that specific vibration to attract the reality in which we wish to live.

Just as we are not separate from our desires for ourselves, we aren’t separate from our desires for others. This includes justice, freedom and liberation. Just as how we are connected in a way in which we can sense when someone is about to call us, we are connected in a way through our spiritual energies to aspire for better for each other.

Call it dua, quantum theory, higher self, or even the belief that we are all one soul, material separation is an illusion and our individual energies mix with each other. Because of this, we are able to influence spaces that are not materialistically ours.

This is why I try to feel love and compassion for people whose situation I want to see improve, as opposed to sympathy. I do what I can to help when I have the means, but I do it coming from a place gratitude that they are getting help they need. With gratitude comes more abundance for ourselves and others. Sympathy reinforces whereas gratitude catalyses.

I’ve spoken to a plethora of Palestinians inside Palestine and in the diaspora, along with non-Palestinian pro-Palestine activists. Every single one of us have felt a shift in the mood. There’s hope, there’s love, there’s still anger (justifiably), but it’s coming with an emergence of calling for freedom from a space of conviction that it’s near.

Because of the power of social media, people are using their creativity to partake in activism and they are getting shared far and wide. From music, to poetry, to infographics, to blog posts. This isn’t only the tangible production of awareness and activism material, but the creative energy that comes out of this, which is through a domino effect, creating more and more. This is all happening on a subconscious level.

When we raise our vibration with the intention of coming from a space for pure love, we are sending this love out to the rest of the world. So when we take care of ourselves, we’re taking care of the rest of the world.

Minus the encounter of an energy vampire, have you noticed how your positive or negative energy rubs off on others? When you feel good, everything else feels good. Inconveniences matter less. This isn’t because your head is in the clouds and you’re ignoring things, but because your energy is affecting others around you.

This is exactly why energy vampires are able to make you feel bad when you feel good, even without speaking to you. Without a healthy energetic boundary (let me know in my DMs or comments if you want me to write a post on establishing this), certain places and people can suck the life out of you by being in the same room as you, or even when you think about them.

Taking the same principle and relating it back to yourself, when you fill your cup with remembrance of the Divine and come from a space fo connection, your cup naturally overflows to whoever you intend to send such good energy to. As you take care of yourself, you take care of others. This happens very subtly and subconsciously.

But just because we can’t see the immediate material side of this, it doesn’t mean we should dismiss it as a form of activism.

I’ve been lacking with protesting, but I’ve been praying over the protests. There was even a global tajjahud for Palestine that took place. Many souls coming and praying together for Palestine before the sun rises — one of the most blessed times in Islam.

In order to be able to operate on this level, self care is needed. Audre Lorde, the woman who coined the term self care, describes it as “not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare.” Do not be ashamed to fill your cup and relax.

Burnout is the opposite of productivity, which means self care is the champion of productivity. If the illusion of separation keeps us disconnected (note the divide and conquer tactic of the British empire), connection creates a better world for ourselves and everyone else.

Just as how all systems of oppression feed off each other, all systems of liberation are connected to each other. When you fight for one cause, you’re fighting for others.

When we start from self, we foster a healthy connection with every other atom that God has created. We fill our cups and end up communicating through the higher/more spiritual self via each other’s electromagnetic energy fields. And even if you don’t believe in all of this, taking care of yourself makes you more productive.

Choose freedom, choose creativity and choose love. Set these standards for yourself and trust that you are raising the collective vibration for others to choose the same standard for themselves and the liberation movements they are working towards.

Our souls were once one soul and when God created Adam, he breathed his spirit into him — meaning we all have the spirit of God within us. There is no separation.

“Allah created you from one soul. Then He made from it its mate, and He produced for you from the grazing livestock eight mates. He creates you in the wombs of your mothers, creation after creation, within three darknesses. That is Allah , your Lord; to Him belongs dominion. There is no deity except Him, so how are you averted?” — (39:6).

I love you all.

Instagram: @flowerknafeh
Twitter: @superknafeh
Learn more about my distance reiki healing sessions via Zoom

Why you’re sending good vibes to yourself when you send them to others: a tawhid perspective

My loves, I hope you’re well.

This is inspired by the beautiful Agyeiwaa (@twerkgirlghana on Instagram – follow her!). We had a mini discussion about sending good vibes to those out there and hoping someone who needs it will catch it and I made a small comment about how important this is to me because one of the fundamental aspects of my faith is tawhid, Arabic for oneness.

With Islam being a strictly monotheistic religion, believing in the oneness of the Divine is a non-negotiable credence. Anything otherwise takes you out of the fold of Islam, and doing so is the only action or belief that does this. Growing up, I thought this was simply a boundary of religion, but it’s so much more than that.

As I embarked my spiritual journey, I found out about the law of unity, which is essentially oneness. The creator is one and the creation is one synchronistic wave of life. We have different organisms, different people, even different quantum realms, but essentially, we are all one, creations of Oneness and connected to this Oneness. Some people who talk about the law of unity also interpret this as being one with the creator, but that’s a different story altogether.

Knowing from my faith, fairy tales and all sorts of life lessons, I grew up believing that when you do good, it comes back to you. When you pray for others, the angels make the same prayer for you and when you give, you receive in abundance. No matter what our belief system is, we have all been cautioned about hurting others in case it comes back to you at some point in our lives.

Think about it. Almost 90 percent of all atoms are made up of hydrogen, an element which is present in all the fluids of the human body and can even be found in outer space. The Qur’an states that “the heavens and earth were joined together as one united piece and were then parted” (21:30), which means that even the angelic realm which we cannot physically access is part of this oneness.

The Qur’an also says that we as individuals were first created as one before being scattered into souls and beings.

“He created you from one soul. Then He made from it its mate, and He produced for you from the grazing livestock eight mates. He creates you in the wombs of your mothers, creation after creation, within three darknesses. That is Allah , your Lord; to Him belongs dominion. There is no deity except Him, so how are you averted?” — (39:6).

The lesson here is that while we are in separate bodies right now, not only were we created by the same source, we started out as one. This might explain why the hydrogen in our bodies can also be found in space.

Just how iron is at the centre of our earth at the core, iron is the centre of our bodies because it’s what our heart pumps blood to keep us alive, to which iron is an essential element of. This is in the same way, Surat al Hadid (the chapter of iron) is the 57th chapter out of 114 chapters of the Qur’an, with it being placed in the centre of the holy text.

You don’t have to be a believer to appreciate the synchronicity. It’s just there in its sweet manifestation of the universal concept of oneness and is one I am using because it resonates with me. It’s also an example that I view as the “heart” of my faith because as an atheist teenager, the story of iron was one that blew my mind and rocked my rational thought process.

Cue kindness and actions. If the ultimate law of the universe is oneness and we are all connected to the same divine source even though we are in different physical bodies, our actions bounce back to us because we only have one source managing the workings of everything and anything.

When we send love, we’re not actually sending it to something outside of the system in which we live. We are reflecting this love onto the universe that is ultimately within us and sending love to a person that was once the same soul as us. We may be physically parted, but whether you believe we were once one at the core, or are managed by one Divine source (or both), under tawhid, nothing we project to others enters into an abyss of nothingness. It comes from within and it returns to within.

Before we do anything, we say bismillah al Rahman al Rahim (in the name of God, the most Merciful and most Gracious). Al-Rahman (merciful) and al-Rahim (gracious are two of Allah’s 99 names. In Arabic, every word has a root and Rahman and Rahim have the same root word: rahm, which Arabic for womb.

Two of the most widely used names of Allah are rooted in a name for where life is created inside a woman’s body where the fetus is coddled in a bubble of safety, connection and unconditional love. As a woman, I can’t help but marvel at the sheer divinely appointed power and glory of feminine energy. No wonder patriarchy tries to suppress femininity in its corrupt pursuit of control.

So, if rahm is the root of al-Rahman and al-Rahim, we are all coddled in the same bubble of safety, connection and unconditional love. We are created with love (funnily enough, another one of Allah’s 99 names is al-Wadud, which means ‘the giver of love’), therefore when we send love, we receive more loving creation because love is a feeling that breeds creation in a physical and metaphysical sense.

(I have goosebumps right now)

Before I finish, I want to talk about overgiving. When we give from an empty cup and from the space of exhaustion, fear and anxiety, we produce more of that. Tawhid does not call for enmeshment and destroying your boundaries, nor does it call for manically giving just so you can recieve. It calls for mindfulness and surrender. When you fill your cup with love and give with love, you get love. When you empty your cup due to anxiety and give whatever you have inside, you get less until you ask for help and set a simple intention to operate from love. This is when your journey to awakening begins.

Know when you want for someone else what you want for yourself, you are a true believer, as said by the beloved Prophet Mohammed (PBUH). Also know that you must seek your right with honour, as also said by our final messenger. After all, he did tell us that a nation will not be sanctified if the weak cannot take their rights without surmounting obstacles. The balance is there.

Tawhid is an action and a belief, but it also reflects a system in which the Divine chose to fashion everything and anything. This is why healthy boundaries create healthy results, but also why we focus on the oneness via the Divine as opposed to enmeshment with creation in this earthly realm.

For me, knowing that there is connection and oneness everywhere helps to explain the workings of the realm that I’m navigating and helps to keep me mindful and aware, but the glorification of this magical system is something I owe the Creator. I do this as a duty every time I say Allahu Akbar (God is great), but it’s also a way to detach, release resistance and surrender as love, light and abundance effortlessly flow to me through the ultimate source energy.

You are one with your needs and desires, the boundaries you place and the love you send out to others. No good deed will go to waste. Internalising this protects you from lower vibrational emotions such as fear and envy because you know you are already one with everything you desire.

PS: I know this comes from a Muslim perspective, but I truly hope those who don’t follow the faith can too take from this ancient and divine wisdom.

Instagram: @flowerknafeh
Twitter: @superknafeh
Learn more about my distance reiki healing sessions via Zoom